We’ve all heard the phrase “kill them with kindness”, and it’s one I stick by in my life. It’s so easy to get caught up in the in’s and out’s of the world, and all the noise. But, if we learn how to be grounded and we root ourselves in who we are, it becomes easier to not be so affected by the conditions around us.
Today I went to a coffee shop that I am a local at, and I had a very unpleasant experience, to say the least. The barista approached me in an ill-manner, you know the kind, when someone is having a day and their entire mood is sour, so they try to be infectious about it. I was not having it, so I kindly did not reciprocate, but I did have to sit and journal my thoughts to ground myself, and reflect as to why she was acting that way towards me.
My conclusion was what it normally is, the person is carrying a lot on them, and something negative is trying to influence and impact you, but you must not let it affect you, and you must react differently from them. Don’t ever reciprocate poor behavior because it will speak worse of you than it does of them, and it can sour your mood. I simply meditated on it and made a note to pray for her, because we do more good for those who hurt us, by wishing them well, than we do by simply reacting.
It’s not easy to do, especially in the moment, but I’ve worked hard to change my perspective over the last few years. I had to in order to not let others shape my decisions and how I react; which can be so dangerous. We never want to treat others poorly because of a heated moment. Leading with emotion versus our logic is something we never want to do, it’s irrational, and insecure. It takes a lot for a person to do the necessary work to not reciprocate ill-feelings when treated less than called for.
In this specific situation, it has happened more than once now, with the same person. I’m not sure why, and it’s always premeditated. This is why we must be so rooted in our beliefs and who we are, so that the world won’t impact us as harshly. I’m not going to lie and pretend that it won’t affect us, I was very upset and sort of shaken up by her behavior, but not to the point where I would react poorly. This is what makes the difference, how we face what is thrown our way.
Things that have led me to this standpoint over my 26 years of life:
- Be so sure in yourself that when someone reacts aggressively or poorly you realize it’s a reflection of them and not of you (unless you acted in the wrong)
- Give people the benefit of the doubt, we don’t know the full story, and give them grace. You never know what someone has been through and is carrying (not that it makes it okay)
- Pray for people. It will go a long way, and perhaps later down the road it will get them to reflect on their behavior.
- Show kindness, it might not register as kindness in those moments to the person, but you know your intentions. Kindness goes a long way, and you’re not doing it for you, you’re doing it for the person.
- Let it go.
The last point is one I resonate a lot with, and it’s the one that took me the longest to learn. Previously, I would hold on to offenses because I wouldn’t have acted that way, but people don’t have the same heart and intentions as you, and that took me a while to realize. Simply, let it go. There will always be something you can get upset over, and if that’s the case, you’ll struggle to have joy. Brush it off, let it slide off, and continue to carry on.
The world needs your joy and it is so much better because of it. Today I encourage you to choose joy over offense.
The next time something sour comes your way, I encourage you to deter from it, and to handle it differently, keeping these things in mind. You’ll instantly feel lighter because of it and you’ll make a difference. You never know who’s watching and needed to experience that. We need more kindness in the world!
xx,
Keren Nicole
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